1. Although your philosophy is, “It’s their hair,” don’t argue when your husband, whose hair is down to his butt, tells your son, whose hair is five inches past his shoulders, that he needs to get it cut for baseball.
2. Although your philosophy calls for bribes to be offered minimally, if at all, don’t argue when your husband, who is usually even more of a safety fanatic than you, agrees to give your nine-year-old a Zippo lighter in exchange for cutting his hair.
3. Fail to make a professional haircut appointment.
4. Have faith that your husband, who has successfully trimmed all hair in your household, can also perform a more demanding haircut upon your son.
5. Stand by while he revs up the buzzers.
6. Try to control your horror as you watch your son’s hair take the form of a 14th century pageboy cut.
7. Fail to control your horror as the mullet emerges.
8. Assure your tearful son that “It will be okay!” even though it’s obviously not. Remind him hair, unlike arms or legs, grows back.
9. Curse your husband for leaving halfway through the job. So what if he has to meet someone?!
10. Stand helplessly with the scissors, mulling how to fix this disaster of a haircut, when brilliance/desperation strikes: call the salon begging for an emergency appointment, promising to pay “whatever it takes.”