We get a fair amount of people exhibiting weird behavior near our office, partly because it’s located in the back of Jacoby’s in a corner with the restroom and the train museum; people see it as a quiet spot and behave as if no one can see or hear them. But also, we’re a freak magnet. However, last Sunday evening, the drama was not Eye-related, but yet another moment of weirdness revolving around the not-exactly-public restroom. The owner of Bon Boniere, after pounding on the restroom door, alerted us to the fact that it had been occupied for over an hour and she was calling the cops. Terrence and Brian peered under the door and observed movement, but couldn’t get a response to their inquiries other than a lone bang on the door from the inside. Two APD officers arrived.
One of them knocked and said, “You need to open up. We’re the police.”
A voice answered, “Bummer.”
Cop: “Yes, for you it is. You need to open this door.”
Occupant: (mumble mumble)
Cop: “Excuse me, sir, but what exactly is coming out of your ass?“
Yep. Seriously. That’s what he said.
Up until that point, we’d been lurking in the doorway, hoping for some excitement. But now that we had enough grist for the deadline mill — “He had rainbows coming out of his ass!” was good for hours of hilarity — we retreated back to work. After a few minutes, the guy opened the door and staggered out. They arrested him for public intoxication. The scene deteriorated from funny to sad quickly.
And the moral of the story is?
Only get stupid-drunk around people who will take care of you, otherwise you might end up trying to sleep it off on an icky restroom floor, only to be woken up by the police and hauled off to the Pink House. And that is a bummer.