increments

One month after diagnosis, his body needed a nightly 7 units of Lantus to maintain.

Nineteen months later, we’ve just upped it to 14 units. They say 20 isn’t unusual for a kid his age and size, but with every increment our sense of vulnerability increases. The more insulin he needs, the more our dependence on a world outside our control is made evident. The idea of control exists only largely as illusion anyway, but a parent needs to believe she can somehow keep her children safe in the world. Diabetes – any disease or hurt one can’t fix – reveals the falsehood of that fantasy. Living with the reality day after day breaks my heart bit by bit.

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3 thoughts on “increments”

  1. They just upped my son’s medication, too.

    I couldn’t understand why I felt so helpless and upset. Your post clarified my feelings.

    My heart aches, too.

  2. It’s the worst, isn’t it? How we assure our kids we will protect them – and mean it absolutely – and then life throws something rotten beyond our control at us?

    What medication does your son take, Kym? Forgive me for not knowing…. That’s a tough part of living outside the city, too, isn’t it? The dependency on some pharmaceutical far away?

  3. My oldest has been diagnosed Bi-polar. He takes Depakote (mood stabilizer) and Paroxetine (anti depressant. I haven’t talked about his illness on my blog because we were (are?) coming to terms with how to deal with it so there is no way you could know about it.

    He is quite open about it in person, thank God, but I haven’t been sure if I will talk about it on the blog. I believe in being reasoned and kind to even difficult people but, if someone attacked my son or his illness, I’m not sure I would be either. So I haven’t gone there in the public forum of my blog.

    The pharmceutical company doesn’t bother me. It is the putting random drugs into him and hoping they work and adding some of this and a little of that just doesn’t inspire confidence in me. Though I like the Medical people personally, I just feel that his body is too precious to be randomly filled with chemicals in the hope they will help.

    Anyway, hearing what you go through with your son just helps me clarify my own frustrations/pain and I unexpectedly found myself sharing.

    Sometimes your clarity helps me understand myself. Thank you.

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