Not Surfing

I’m not surfing. It’s so lame. I mean, it makes sense, given the kids/husband/job/conditions/other commitments, but still, it’s pathetic. I’m regressing instead of improving. I surfed more in the fall of 2003 than the fall of 2004. Sure, the sand bar was about a hundred times better and I hadn’t yet broken my leash in double-overhead surf and hadn’t witnessed a shark attack, but really, how am I ever going to surf serious surf if I’m not out there out there out there? Even more importantly: who will I be if I’m not surfing? Because I won’t be me. Like moving to Humboldt, surfing has been an experience in finding home. Not because I’m particularly good — I’m not — but the water, the way of seeing the ocean, certain aspects of surfing have provided words for a language previously buried. Knowing the buoys, tides, breaks, forecasts is a way of expressing this particular passion as artfully as poetry to romance. On the best days, with the best crowd, I recognize that these are my people in the same way I feel a genetic connection to my family.

On a less sentimental note (the best writing should be almost sentimental, almost), as a formerly shy and physically insecure girlchildperson, the thrill of being strong and brave and occasionally coordinated makes me feel about 50 feet tall – which makes up for all the times I failed the push up tests in junior high P.E.

I tell myself, I know it’s not really ME not surfing; it’s my life, the conditions, the timing. Things will calm down. Tomorrow, I tell myself. Tomorrow.

Leave a comment


  1. eric

     /  February 16, 2009

    Tomorrow will mark one full month since the last time I was in the water, and as my life on land resumes as normal, I somehow feel very unbalanced. And lately, I’ve been obsessing over everything relating to surfing. Withdrawals suck.

    • I just went two weeks… and probably two weeks before that. The worst part is how badly I suck when I don’t surf every day or every few days. Sheesh.

  2. I know where you’re coming from.

  3. I love that you put this in words. Being a surfing wife mother is a balancing act. You really want to be a surfer all day long, Much like a crack head…I am just hoping I come back as a dolphin:)
    Hope you are surfing lots these days!


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